Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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