you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
