I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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