i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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