ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
