textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
