I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
