she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
