So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
