all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
