You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
