just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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