Only a mothe r could love this liver
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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