Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
