Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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