I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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