you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
3pm strippers are depressing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
