I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
