new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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