oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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