My Higher Power is John Stamos
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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