When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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