I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
