She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
