I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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