3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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