We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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