Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
