I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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