I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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