Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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