there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
