i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This baby is an asshole
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
