Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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