i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
