She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
