I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
