I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
