Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
