I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
