but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
