When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
