i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
