oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
