Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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