A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
