Sponge bath it is.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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