Just fell off a train. Bad.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
