today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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