Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
